Here it is — Mother’s Day arrives wrapped in roses, brunch menus, and sentimental cards that assume everyone is celebrating the same story. But for many of us, the day carries something more complicated: grief, envy, resentment, and loss all tangled together at once.
I know that feeling well. I am both a mother and a daughter, and those two identities sit differently in me on days like this. I never got the greeting-card version of motherhood, and I have often felt the ache of that mismatch. Why couldn’t I have had the kind of mother who was always there — gentle, steady, generous with hugs and wisdom, the one people describe with such easy devotion? Instead, I grew up with a different, darker reality, and that reality does not fit neatly into a Hallmark commercial.
So as a daughter, I do not come to this day with uncomplicated celebration. I come with a more truthful emotion: a mix of longing, envy, and the uneasy awareness that luck of the draw (or some say karma) — or the lack of it — shapes some of our deepest relationships more than we ever wish it would.
And yet, I am a mother too, and of course I want the roses, the brunch, and the cute cat card. I believe mothers deserve recognition and celebration. This year, I was celebrated and received a lovely gift, and I’m grateful for it; it soothes a heart that has known too many Mother’s Days of being overlooked.
Mother’s Day is supposed to be simple — a bouquet, a card, a breakfast, a phone call. But in reality, it is a mirror. It reflects not just our mothers, but our memories, our losses, our disappointments, and the mothers we have become ourselves.
For those who find today tender rather than joyful, a little self-protection can help. Mother’s Day does not have to be performed; it can simply be survived.
Try your best to skip the comparisons. Step away from whatever makes the ache louder. Make a plan for the hardest part of the day, even if that plan is just a walk, a movie or time with a pet. Our fur children are a great antidote to the challenge. Call or text one safe person who understands your history, or keep the day quiet and private if that feels better.
And for those who are mothers but not having an easy day themselves, extend the same grace inward that you would offer someone else. Not every mother is celebrated. Not every son or daughter has peace. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is let the day be what it is, without pretending otherwise.
And if you have a great mother, or are being celebrated as a great mother, congratulations.. great job! You deserve to have the most beautiful and honoring day.
